Reality

Have you ever felt the feeling when there is nobody who wants you and accepts you as a part of them and at the same time you are desperate for someone else there to help you and accept you? Have you ever been treated unfairly? Have you ever been betrayed by a friend who is not willing to talk to you about a problem that you are facing personally instead she tells you the problem through the mouth of an authority? I can tell you that this feeling is terrible and unacceptable.. Is the feeling that you are being stabbed by the person you like and trusted the most from the front... You cant believe it but at the same time you witness it by your own eyes.
To be frank, I can accept the scolding and punishment from them as this is really my wrong.. I felt sorry and guilty for my behaviour.. I can also slowly accepted their unfairness towards me as I remembered one of my Form 6 teacher told me that "It is impossible for the God or world to be justice... If the world is fair and square, there will be no poverty or social classification in this world." Hence, I don't blame them to be unfair to me even though there must be a number of people are behaving like me and I do not want to pull others into the hot water... The only thing that I cannot accept is that why they cant tell the problem to us personally?? Is this a severe matter?? Do you think we are still children or teens?? Do you think you are older than us or having a higher position than us?? You are nothing.. We are course mates.. If you want us to change group, why cant you tell us personally?? We are willing to change our group... They were the one who made the matter to be so serious.. Thus, do not blame us to be mean too... However, don't worry.. I have my principles in my life.. If the person treated me good, I will treated her back the double of her kindness... Yet, if the person is bad to me, no worries, I will do nothing to her but I will feel disappointed with her.. I do not believe that by talking bad about others is able to raise up my reputation.. It is not worth for me to give them free publicity to promote their true personality to the world... One fine day, people will get to know your truth personality by their own pair of eyes..
I cannot deny that telling your problem to your best friend is really making your mood better. However, if you tell your problem to more than one person, the problem is getting worsen... Hence, I do not like to tell my problem to everyone except to my family, Mr.Egg and my best friend now... Lastly, I want to say thank you to the people who lent us hands... In return, I will do my best to help your group to achieve an A... I want to prove to the one who doesn't want me that is their loss to kick me out... Sit back and watch the miracle until your jaws drop...HAHAHAHAHAHA

21/3/2013 Thursday

The feeling of when your cells are torn apart from your skin...You wanted to cry yet a tear is not able to come out from the corner of your eyes... This feeling is more tormented than the feeling of pain... To be honest, I cannot explain to you this feeling if you asked me what feeling is this... But I experienced this feeling today...I wanted to perform and show my best to act out the character as Oedipus but at the end I felt myself failed to do it... I was nervous before the show and I wanted to act with expressions and fluent English... But T.T I saw my lecturer's expression was like "what is she talking about" and she asked for the script from the girl beside her.. I knew what her expression meant... She cannot understand my dialogue.. How come I can never speak fluent English???? I do not expect myself to speak like a banana or foreigner but I hope to speak fluent and well-structured sentence... Why am I such a failure?? After 2 years, what have I learned??

Growing up

Although physically and mentally I am deteriorating since I entered UM but honestly I felt that I have grown up cognitively... I am 23 now and I have 7 more years to end the age beginning with the number 2... I do not want to waste my 20s with all the nonsense and ludicrous.. I should bring my life to the peak of the mountain and do something to enrich my experience and knowledge.. Hence, I came out with the "must-do-list" with my best friend... I wanted to become a good friend and spread the positive influences to her.. So I asked her to come out with this list too.. They are six things I should done it by this year.. These six things to me are minor matter but they are something that will affect my future in the aspect of appearance and health.. I am contented with my lists but I wanted to add one more thing to my list which is learning either guitar or violin by this year... Wish me good luck..

Lost

Well, no class again for tomorrow.. Let me think, how many times I have skipped classes? This is the fourth week of my semester and I skipped for only two classes so far which are Research class and Unit class(if he counted I absent tomorrow).. I think my life is too easy.. Yet I like to complain that my courses are hard, the assignments are demanding and money is not enough for me to spend, etc.. These are nothing if I were to use all these complaints to compare with others who take medical course or accounting course, the assignments and courses are far more difficult than mine and of course for those who stays far away from their parents and money to them is more important than mine.. Why am I so demanding and not appreciate with what I have now?? ~SHOOT ME~ 

What is my problem now?? I have no problem.. All the problems I encountered eventually were not problems.. They are something that I created meaninglessly in my life.. My assignments actually are easy, the courses I took are easy-going with the nice and kind lecturers I have and the money I have is enough for to spend + I have my parents' financial support.. I should be satisfied.. YES~~ I should... Sorry Chui for asking you to give me your voucher which is the same as asking you for your money..I should not do this right?? Everyone has the same amount which is fair and square.. Since I have used mine, I should not ask for more.. Even though she may not going to use her voucher, is her right for her either to throw, waste or give her vouchers to anyone she likes.. I should not do that.. Sorry

OK.. Back to the topic.. I am not lost.. I decided to use RM200 every month for shopping and the remainder of my book vouchers to buy books that will upgrade my cognitive thinking and personality... 

~~YES... KEEP ON GOING & ENJOY YOUR LIFE~~~