The Wallflower

Oh my gosh.. Oh my gosh.. I can’t wait to share with you this since my memory is still fresh and my feelings are still strong with it.. Guess what I have just finished the novel “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.” This is my first time for being able to finish reading a book in 2 weeks times. But this is not something that I want to share today..

I want to share about how amazing this book was.. Because this book is good and I think I will buy and keep this book soon.. Alright so here goes my sharing.. When I read the last page before the epilogue about what happened to Charlie after he rejected to make out with Sam, when he was able to listen to radio but the radio was not on and so on, it made me felt creepy.. Something was happened to him but I still can’t figure out what has actually happened to him not until I read the epilogue .. My heart beat very fast and I can’t wait to know what has happened to him.. I knew he was admitted to the hospital and something happened between him and Aunt Helen. His family was angry with Aunt Helen but I still don’t know what did Aunt Helen did until I reread the page where Charlie slept and dreamt when he and his siblings were watching tv with his aunt and he said “She was doing what Sam was doing.” So I started to get to know what Aunt Helen did to him.. To confirm my assumption was correct, I went online and search for “What actually was happened to Charlie in The Perks of Being a Wallflower?” Ya.. My assumption was right.. He was molested by the person he liked the most and trusted the most in the world.. I knew something must be happened to him when I read that he went to a bad place after his aunt was gone but that time I didn’t know what was actually happened to him.. I was like “What?” when I knew the ending.. How could Aunt Helen do this to Charlie when she was the one that Charlie loved the most..

I was kind of shocked by the ending of the story..  At first, when I read the book, I thought that Charlie was looking for his true identity like what usually happens to teenagers “identity seeking” and “peers influence”.. That was why he followed and did whatever people asked him to do because he was not sure who he was actually..  To me “forget” is an action when you are trying to avoid “something” or when that “something” is not important to you. For instance, if you try to ask me what I had yesterday for dinner, I might not able to tell you instantly what I had.. It takes time for me to recall yesterday memories in my brain because yesterday what I ate is not important to me in my life.. Trivial memories can still be recalled but if you are trying to avoid the memory, you will bury it deep in your heart and mind.. You thought that by burying it deep inside, you will be able to forget as time goes by, you will not be hurt and the matter can be evaded. But actually not.. In contrast, it brings severe impacts to you.. It is better for you to express your anger or sadness rather than keep it in your heart. You think it is better to keep it in your heart because you do not want others to be affected.. You think it is better to keep inside your heart because you think that it is better for one person to be hurt, to be sad rather than a few people to be sad and worry about you.. You think that it is better to keep inside your heart because you think that no one will understand your problem and no one is willing to spend time, listen and understand your problem..

It is easy to say rather than do it myself.. I am a person who is like this but it is depending on the seriousness of the matter.. If it is serious and cannot be settled by myself, I will express it to that particular person. But if it is small matter and can be settled by me alone, I will just keep quiet.. I am a private person. 

Because I am this kind of person that is why I don’t mind if others, someone who is close to me or someone that I know, do not share his/her secret with me.. Even if I know that he/she is not telling me, I will not ask.. I mean you will tell me without me asking if you want to tell me.. I understand.. Don’t worry.. I have someone who I trusted the most and who I am able to express everything freely to him who is Mr.Egg..

When I am writing this blog, I thought about my cousin who is now Standard 5. My 4^th aunt’s son. He is young in terms of age but he is mature in terms of thinking. He knew what has happened to his family. I think he is sad and he needs someone to talk to but none he can talk to. The impacts from the slump his family had, from a wealthy family to a family with no properties and the fact that his father left them and had affair with someone. And also my 4^th aunt to pretend like nothing happened and to pretend like she is tough and happy. Haiz. I don’t know what to say and how to help. Life is miserable as I grow up. I just wish to go back to my younger time where everything was simple, happy and united. Mr. Egg advised me not to put or assume everything is my matter or my responsibility because by doing this, I am making myself unhappy and depress. In order to ensure everyone is happy, I have to be really happy first. Put myself to the first priority. That was what he said. I am not sure whether what he said is correct or not ><