Reality

Have you ever felt the feeling when there is nobody who wants you and accepts you as a part of them and at the same time you are desperate for someone else there to help you and accept you? Have you ever been treated unfairly? Have you ever been betrayed by a friend who is not willing to talk to you about a problem that you are facing personally instead she tells you the problem through the mouth of an authority? I can tell you that this feeling is terrible and unacceptable.. Is the feeling that you are being stabbed by the person you like and trusted the most from the front... You cant believe it but at the same time you witness it by your own eyes.
To be frank, I can accept the scolding and punishment from them as this is really my wrong.. I felt sorry and guilty for my behaviour.. I can also slowly accepted their unfairness towards me as I remembered one of my Form 6 teacher told me that "It is impossible for the God or world to be justice... If the world is fair and square, there will be no poverty or social classification in this world." Hence, I don't blame them to be unfair to me even though there must be a number of people are behaving like me and I do not want to pull others into the hot water... The only thing that I cannot accept is that why they cant tell the problem to us personally?? Is this a severe matter?? Do you think we are still children or teens?? Do you think you are older than us or having a higher position than us?? You are nothing.. We are course mates.. If you want us to change group, why cant you tell us personally?? We are willing to change our group... They were the one who made the matter to be so serious.. Thus, do not blame us to be mean too... However, don't worry.. I have my principles in my life.. If the person treated me good, I will treated her back the double of her kindness... Yet, if the person is bad to me, no worries, I will do nothing to her but I will feel disappointed with her.. I do not believe that by talking bad about others is able to raise up my reputation.. It is not worth for me to give them free publicity to promote their true personality to the world... One fine day, people will get to know your truth personality by their own pair of eyes..
I cannot deny that telling your problem to your best friend is really making your mood better. However, if you tell your problem to more than one person, the problem is getting worsen... Hence, I do not like to tell my problem to everyone except to my family, Mr.Egg and my best friend now... Lastly, I want to say thank you to the people who lent us hands... In return, I will do my best to help your group to achieve an A... I want to prove to the one who doesn't want me that is their loss to kick me out... Sit back and watch the miracle until your jaws drop...HAHAHAHAHAHA

21/3/2013 Thursday

The feeling of when your cells are torn apart from your skin...You wanted to cry yet a tear is not able to come out from the corner of your eyes... This feeling is more tormented than the feeling of pain... To be honest, I cannot explain to you this feeling if you asked me what feeling is this... But I experienced this feeling today...I wanted to perform and show my best to act out the character as Oedipus but at the end I felt myself failed to do it... I was nervous before the show and I wanted to act with expressions and fluent English... But T.T I saw my lecturer's expression was like "what is she talking about" and she asked for the script from the girl beside her.. I knew what her expression meant... She cannot understand my dialogue.. How come I can never speak fluent English???? I do not expect myself to speak like a banana or foreigner but I hope to speak fluent and well-structured sentence... Why am I such a failure?? After 2 years, what have I learned??

Growing up

Although physically and mentally I am deteriorating since I entered UM but honestly I felt that I have grown up cognitively... I am 23 now and I have 7 more years to end the age beginning with the number 2... I do not want to waste my 20s with all the nonsense and ludicrous.. I should bring my life to the peak of the mountain and do something to enrich my experience and knowledge.. Hence, I came out with the "must-do-list" with my best friend... I wanted to become a good friend and spread the positive influences to her.. So I asked her to come out with this list too.. They are six things I should done it by this year.. These six things to me are minor matter but they are something that will affect my future in the aspect of appearance and health.. I am contented with my lists but I wanted to add one more thing to my list which is learning either guitar or violin by this year... Wish me good luck..

Lost

Well, no class again for tomorrow.. Let me think, how many times I have skipped classes? This is the fourth week of my semester and I skipped for only two classes so far which are Research class and Unit class(if he counted I absent tomorrow).. I think my life is too easy.. Yet I like to complain that my courses are hard, the assignments are demanding and money is not enough for me to spend, etc.. These are nothing if I were to use all these complaints to compare with others who take medical course or accounting course, the assignments and courses are far more difficult than mine and of course for those who stays far away from their parents and money to them is more important than mine.. Why am I so demanding and not appreciate with what I have now?? ~SHOOT ME~ 

What is my problem now?? I have no problem.. All the problems I encountered eventually were not problems.. They are something that I created meaninglessly in my life.. My assignments actually are easy, the courses I took are easy-going with the nice and kind lecturers I have and the money I have is enough for to spend + I have my parents' financial support.. I should be satisfied.. YES~~ I should... Sorry Chui for asking you to give me your voucher which is the same as asking you for your money..I should not do this right?? Everyone has the same amount which is fair and square.. Since I have used mine, I should not ask for more.. Even though she may not going to use her voucher, is her right for her either to throw, waste or give her vouchers to anyone she likes.. I should not do that.. Sorry

OK.. Back to the topic.. I am not lost.. I decided to use RM200 every month for shopping and the remainder of my book vouchers to buy books that will upgrade my cognitive thinking and personality... 

~~YES... KEEP ON GOING & ENJOY YOUR LIFE~~~

27/2/2013 Wednesday + 28/2/2013 Tuesday

Well, I wanted to update my blog yesterday but the feeling of idleness overwhelmed me. Hence, I give up writing...

Refreshing my memory about yesterday, well, the most remarkable event was the outing with the maniacs which included Grace, Wana, Nadia and of course my lovely "second messenger" a.k.a Tien. Gan was excluded from the name "maniac" because he was quiet and isolated in our outing. This was also my first time to go out with Grace and Wana.. Out of my expectation, our outing was not awkward, yet enjoyment and laughter appeared. We went to Ampcord Mall, a place where WAna and Gan have never been before. We had Tien and my favorites which are McD and Starbucks. We went to Book Access too. I spent all the money in my purse and a voucher worth rm50. Now, I left only RM 150 book vouchers. I need to spend these money wisely because to be frank, I am not a book worm. I seldom use my money to buy books, instead I will use them to but clothes>< Not forget to mention, my best friend Tien was scolded by our proficiency teacher because of her very bad habit, which is, playing phone during lesson. hahahaha

OK. Back to today happenings. Well the lecturer for Language Learning is so weird and always making me speechless in his class. He is either too fast in reading his notes or dismisses the class what ever time he likes. Today, I went to the class early with full of preparation to record and catch up his notes. Unexpectedly, he dismissed us within 20 minutes if I am not mistaken with the reason that we were not asking any questions related to the topic that he wrote on the whiteboard. I mean even a professor needs to be well prepare before he goes to any conference or meetings. Then, how about us?? He didn't inform us beforehand to do research or preparation about these topics, so how was he going to expect us to ask him questions related to these topics?? All I can say is, his salary is easy to earn. No wonder many students failed his class in previous sem and sem. Then about PTPTN loan was making me speechless as well. Why can't the government standardize the loan that they bank in into our account every sem?? Sometimes more than RM 1000 and sometimes less than that... Luckily, I was alert. It was impossible for my account to have more RM2000. As what I predicted, they haven't deduct my overall fee yet. But there is one thing that I should be grateful is the remainder of my money after deduction is more than RM1000...

The last thing I wanted to talk about is my relationship with my friend, Gan. He seems to be so far away from us. Why is this happening? Seriously, I have no idea. I felt that he is weird and annoying. Ya. It is true that as a friend we should accompany each other but going to kps withdraw money requires our company as well? He purposely chased us because he wanted us to company him to kps to withdraw money? Is kps dangerous? No, even if it was, it will not be robbery, is may be patty cases. I think he can protect his properties and himself. He can go back to his hometown alone why can't he go to kps himself? Does he withdraw more than rm100000? NO. What is my functions there? My duties are to stand there and panting. Haiz, seriously, I hope that he can be more brave and stronger physically and mentally. He can't hope for our companions until the end of his life. However, Tien is able to do so because she is single and they have the very low possibilities to couple up. Hope he will change to a better person in future.

22 February 2013

I thought that I will not need to attend Friday classes throughout my whole study years.. For three consecutive semesters, I had no classes on Friday.. I was so happy for this.. Friday eventually is a sleeping day for me.. However, this semester, it is mandatory for me to attend Friday class.. I was reluctant to attend this class but I was glad that I was able to register for this class.. I cannot evade to register for this class.. In any one of the remaining semesters, I will have to enter this class too.. If so, I would like to attend this class with my good friend...Haiz, sad Friday T.T

In the library, my friend and I were trying to arrange and plan for our future semesters.. In the process, we realized that we had studied in UM for already two years... Time passes in a blink of eyes without our acknowledgement... And we found out that we learned nothing from the course but we learned something not related with the course.. Is this something we should be proud of?? I dont know.. I only know that we cannot regret for our doings at the past... Be happy of who we are and be satisfy of what we have now..

              ~BE HAPPY, NO WORRIES~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ^^

好的开始

今天很开心啊。本来还很担心一切都不会很顺利， 怎么知道吉人只有天上。今天我的老老拿了工钱啦还有花红。平常对人来说，拿工钱和花红是个很开心的事。 可是对我和老老来说， 这是一个很好的开始， 所以特别的开心。本来还很担心钱不够用。因为最近撞倒车，还有过年需要用到满多的钱。心里很纳闷的想，咳，这个月肯定又没有的存钱还要省吃呢。可是现在不但有的花还有的存呢。很好很好。 我都知道我老老是可以的。老老，继续加油。就是因为老老好，自然而然我也受益。怎么说人是很现实的。我爸妈也不另外。他门看到那个礼篮，真的很开心。还是我最了解他们。咳。可是我好像吹打了那个价钱。早知道就不要说那么高，好像有点夸张。有点后悔了。对不起。希望他们不要再问我那个礼篮的事了 T.T
可是人不可以自大也不可以那么容易的满主。现在可能那些钱对我们来讲是很多，可是我们还要继续望前上。
谢谢老老那么努力的为我和我们的将来奋斗。 谢谢我老老的斑斑那么的看好他。他可是我老老的伯乐。竟然斑斑那么好， 我希望他水越来越多， 越来越大。也要谢谢我自己，看好我老老，做我老老的私人助理还有管钱的那个。