The life as a teacher???

I have always started writing by "long time didn't update my blog..." The same for today and it is true that I have long time didn't update my blog.. Besides, most of my blogs talked about dilemma and anger.. So negative right? Same goes for today's blog..

Actually it should be something that I should be happy and grateful about.. But, I am not.. Instead I am worried and kind of disappointed.. I have passed my government teacher interview 😊 My parents will be happy about it.. Am I ready to become a teacher? I am not.. I am not ready to give full commitment and responsibility of becoming an official teacher.. But by reading my melody's recent post, I guess becoming a teacher is kind of fun and should be not that bad right? 🤔 Again I am in dilemma or even depression maybe.. Think of my life, I don't know where should I go, what should I do or become.. My life is directionless and meaningless.. Staying at home for the whole day and teaching home tuition is my life now.. Free, relaxing but most of the time restless.. I cannot believe that one day I am like this.. 20 something but still aimless.. What the hell..

I haven't tell my parents yet about this.. As the eldest, I always try my best to do the best and try to avoid making them worry about me.. I am useless, timid, always in dilemma😭😭 mr.egg suggested me to take master.. He said it will be a better option.. I have no money to take master, I am still on dept with the government and for now I don't even earn more than 15k per month.. What a sad story.. I am just jealous for those who have a firm direction and target in their lives.. Hope soon I will be able to find my life too

变了

哇。看下自己的blog，发觉已经有好几个月没写blog了。突然间写回是因为我得空了，有东西想说，可是不懂该说给谁听。
我失业了。可是家里没人知道。不敢和他们说这事实。怕他们会误解，怕他们担心，怕他们乱想。
不懂是不是和蛋先生在一起的时间久了，不懂怎么，最近都感觉很不一样了。到底我怎么了？他是个好男人，我害怕失去他，可是，同一时间，没像以前那么多话和他说了。我到底怎么了？
从我毕业到现在，感觉很多东西变了。变得很不同了。不只是我自己，我环境，我周围。我不喜欢这变化。可是变化不能避免，而且是唯一不变的事实。
我每天活得很不开心，很没有冲劲，很没有目标。
到底现在的我怎么了？😭😭😭

Ahhh 😤😤

A new year.. A new chapter.. A new beginning
Since it is a new year, Facebook is floated with positive vibes talking about new change and bla bla bla..

I can't tahan anymore.. I need a channel for me to express my frustration and anger...

Ever since I have started to work.. All my parents said is money, money, money... Come on.. I have started to work only one month.. All you asked is have you got your salary, how do you want to use your salary, please pay some of the bills.. I earn only rm2000 a month.. I have to save money also to pay for my ptptn and for my own usage.. You have bought houses for my two brothers but not me.. I don't mind how you want to spend your money for them, but please don't because you have to pay installment for this and that just because of my brothers and you feel financially burdensome, then come to me and ask me to pay this and that.. Your son has started to work for almost two years but did you ask him to pay this and that for you? Nope.. Your didn't.. Instead you said as parents you should help your children who just started to work.. But why not me?

Please just please.. Don't every time when you guys see me, the only topic you can ask and say is money.. Ask something else.. I feel burdensome, stressed and heartbreak whenever you did this to me