The life as a teacher???

I have always started writing by "long time didn't update my blog..." The same for today and it is true that I have long time didn't update my blog.. Besides, most of my blogs talked about dilemma and anger.. So negative right? Same goes for today's blog..

Actually it should be something that I should be happy and grateful about.. But, I am not.. Instead I am worried and kind of disappointed.. I have passed my government teacher interview 😊 My parents will be happy about it.. Am I ready to become a teacher? I am not.. I am not ready to give full commitment and responsibility of becoming an official teacher.. But by reading my melody's recent post, I guess becoming a teacher is kind of fun and should be not that bad right? 🤔 Again I am in dilemma or even depression maybe.. Think of my life, I don't know where should I go, what should I do or become.. My life is directionless and meaningless.. Staying at home for the whole day and teaching home tuition is my life now.. Free, relaxing but most of the time restless.. I cannot believe that one day I am like this.. 20 something but still aimless.. What the hell..

I haven't tell my parents yet about this.. As the eldest, I always try my best to do the best and try to avoid making them worry about me.. I am useless, timid, always in dilemma😭😭 mr.egg suggested me to take master.. He said it will be a better option.. I have no money to take master, I am still on dept with the government and for now I don't even earn more than 15k per month.. What a sad story.. I am just jealous for those who have a firm direction and target in their lives.. Hope soon I will be able to find my life too