Second Last Semester

I have just completed my CTES last week. This semester I needed to rate only three lecturers for three courses. I rated very high for zuwati’s class and artboy’s class because they deserve it. But not latifah’s class. Sometimes when I looked at her, I felt sympathy for her. She is actually a nice old lady who likes other old ladies, loves to share her life with others but she is not a professional lecturer. She said she went to study her master/PHd (I am not sure) in UK but her proficiency of English is just terrible and she said she has taught this course for many years but we can see that she has taught this course for many years as she was always not well-prepared, blurred and took online resources in front of us and taught us with that trusted? Or untrusted? resources in class. I mean her attitudes in class can be accepted if she was a new lecturer or she was a student like us BUT she is a lecturer with the name Dr. and she did many presentations in different countries like Istanbul. She even reminded us for several times to rate her high for the CTES as she wants to secure and maintain her job as a lecturer. As a student of her, what should I do? Should I pity her and rate her high? Or should I be honest and rate her low to ensure the quality of my juniors? At the end, I rate her high because she is my lecturer and I pitied her.

Three days ago I did two surveys from zuwati. Those two surveys I was being honest. I answered according to myself and not being affected by others. I entered into this programme because of my parents. I wanted to be a doctor and for so many years I put efforts in my study especially science subjects just to achieve my dream but at the end because of financial problem my dream continues to be a dream. I was angry at that time but I didn’t blame my parents because I am the eldest, study medical course is expensive and I can’t be so selfish using most of the money for myself and made my parents and siblings suffer because of me. Now I am good and surviving in this programme. I learned a lot and made many friendships in this programme. In TESL, we learned teaching theories + literature + English language. Among these three, I prefer literature the most, I hate proficiency class the most and I think teaching theories are the useless the most. I suggested this programme should teach more relevant and practical teaching skills like class management, ways to deal with discipline problems and teach students with the education policies and implementations such as PBS and PT3. When you start to teach like a real teacher in a school, you will know that all the theories that you have learned cannot be applied in the class. I love literature because I am amazed on how the words are able to bring an impact and give meanings to live and the words are being useful and impactful until now in this modern era. I love literature because it allows me to think from other’s perspectives and think deep about others. I love literature because of the lecturers I had in all these literature courses. They are beyond professional and they are just great. When they teach they are like sharing their stories and opinions about the literature and I love listening to their opinions and stories. I hope that I can be like them one day whose is able to think out of the box and the thinking that is produced is meaningful and relevant.  

I realized I am no longer close with my aunties(mother’s side). I mean there is still a bond between me and them but physically I am not close with them like how I was with them last time when I was young. I don’t talk with them frequently and I have no topic also to talk with them. I even rejected to go to Singapore with them although I have free transportation, accommodation and maybe food. I don’t know why but I felt reluctant. People change and leave. My fifth aunty who was once a stingy lady who loves to buy things with cheap price now changes to a wife and mum who likes to spend money on expensive stuffs and commented about the stuffs we buy with cheap prices. It is your choice whether to spend money on expensive stuffs or cheap stuffs. It is good and I am happy for my 5^th aunt to have this kind of luxurious life and having the super purchasing power. But I do not like it when she tries to comment and criticize on others with the cheap things that we buy == My 4^th aunt was the worst among all the aunties.  She slumped from someone who is like my 5^th aunty to someone who is now staying in a rented house with three small sons and with a run-away husband. I kind of like pity her but I can’t do anything because I have no money and is not my turn to speak for her in front of my aunties and my grandparents. It is better for a person to cry when a problem comes than being tough and strong. Husband has affair with a stupid and brainless bitch (I don’t say bad words but I am super angry so please forgive me) and now he is disappeared without any explanation and makes thing clear. I don’t know and I don’t understand. Maybe Charlie is right. “Things change. People leave. But life doesn’t stop for anybody.” (Yeah. I am reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower). So maybe it is right for her to being strong and tough although it is hurtful.