Second time cooking

Last week, I made kimchi which was very successful since it was my first time making it and surprisingly it turned out to be very delicious..

Hahaha.. Maybe it looks not appetizing but please do not deceive by the appearance... It is really delicious except that it is very spicy.. The chilly powder that I used was an Indian chilly powder, therefore it is very spicy even though I put only 5 spoons of that powder..

So for this second time, I challenged myself to make radish kimchi and rice cake.. Wow.. As usual, kinchi turned out to be successful but not the rice cake T.T First time I failed in making it because of the flour.. I bought and used wrong flour, therefore, the dough was hard and not sticky.. Second time, I bought the right flour but I do not know why the inner dough was uncooked even though i heat it in the microwave and boiled it in a pot.. I was annoyed.. So I gave up in making it.. 

Next week, I decided to make potato bacon croquette.. I have searched for the recipe online.. 

I wanted to fill my weekend with cooking.. I think it is good for me to learn to cook every week.. You know what? Among my siblings except for the youngest one, I am the worst cook T.T Cooking is fun although it is time consuming..

By the way, Popular has sales.. I bought a book "The Confessions of NeW York Taxi Driver" for only RM8.. The original price is RM39.90.. With the sales, I have saved up RM31.90... What a good buy ^^ 

10 more days to go then a new beginning is going to start soon.. I have a lot of things haven't even start yet.. Thesis, Year End Shopping, X'mas Plan, New Year Plan, Revision for exam on Jan 12th.. The most important among all these is thesis.. I have to really start to do my Chapter 1 SOON... I have finished reading "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" and now I am going to read " The Five People I met in Heaven" by Mitch Albom.. Enjoy reading so much recently..

The Wallflower

Oh my gosh.. Oh my gosh.. I can’t wait to share with you this since my memory is still fresh and my feelings are still strong with it.. Guess what I have just finished the novel “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.” This is my first time for being able to finish reading a book in 2 weeks times. But this is not something that I want to share today..

I want to share about how amazing this book was.. Because this book is good and I think I will buy and keep this book soon.. Alright so here goes my sharing.. When I read the last page before the epilogue about what happened to Charlie after he rejected to make out with Sam, when he was able to listen to radio but the radio was not on and so on, it made me felt creepy.. Something was happened to him but I still can’t figure out what has actually happened to him not until I read the epilogue .. My heart beat very fast and I can’t wait to know what has happened to him.. I knew he was admitted to the hospital and something happened between him and Aunt Helen. His family was angry with Aunt Helen but I still don’t know what did Aunt Helen did until I reread the page where Charlie slept and dreamt when he and his siblings were watching tv with his aunt and he said “She was doing what Sam was doing.” So I started to get to know what Aunt Helen did to him.. To confirm my assumption was correct, I went online and search for “What actually was happened to Charlie in The Perks of Being a Wallflower?” Ya.. My assumption was right.. He was molested by the person he liked the most and trusted the most in the world.. I knew something must be happened to him when I read that he went to a bad place after his aunt was gone but that time I didn’t know what was actually happened to him.. I was like “What?” when I knew the ending.. How could Aunt Helen do this to Charlie when she was the one that Charlie loved the most..

I was kind of shocked by the ending of the story..  At first, when I read the book, I thought that Charlie was looking for his true identity like what usually happens to teenagers “identity seeking” and “peers influence”.. That was why he followed and did whatever people asked him to do because he was not sure who he was actually..  To me “forget” is an action when you are trying to avoid “something” or when that “something” is not important to you. For instance, if you try to ask me what I had yesterday for dinner, I might not able to tell you instantly what I had.. It takes time for me to recall yesterday memories in my brain because yesterday what I ate is not important to me in my life.. Trivial memories can still be recalled but if you are trying to avoid the memory, you will bury it deep in your heart and mind.. You thought that by burying it deep inside, you will be able to forget as time goes by, you will not be hurt and the matter can be evaded. But actually not.. In contrast, it brings severe impacts to you.. It is better for you to express your anger or sadness rather than keep it in your heart. You think it is better to keep it in your heart because you do not want others to be affected.. You think it is better to keep inside your heart because you think that it is better for one person to be hurt, to be sad rather than a few people to be sad and worry about you.. You think that it is better to keep inside your heart because you think that no one will understand your problem and no one is willing to spend time, listen and understand your problem..

It is easy to say rather than do it myself.. I am a person who is like this but it is depending on the seriousness of the matter.. If it is serious and cannot be settled by myself, I will express it to that particular person. But if it is small matter and can be settled by me alone, I will just keep quiet.. I am a private person. 

Because I am this kind of person that is why I don’t mind if others, someone who is close to me or someone that I know, do not share his/her secret with me.. Even if I know that he/she is not telling me, I will not ask.. I mean you will tell me without me asking if you want to tell me.. I understand.. Don’t worry.. I have someone who I trusted the most and who I am able to express everything freely to him who is Mr.Egg..

When I am writing this blog, I thought about my cousin who is now Standard 5. My 4^th aunt’s son. He is young in terms of age but he is mature in terms of thinking. He knew what has happened to his family. I think he is sad and he needs someone to talk to but none he can talk to. The impacts from the slump his family had, from a wealthy family to a family with no properties and the fact that his father left them and had affair with someone. And also my 4^th aunt to pretend like nothing happened and to pretend like she is tough and happy. Haiz. I don’t know what to say and how to help. Life is miserable as I grow up. I just wish to go back to my younger time where everything was simple, happy and united. Mr. Egg advised me not to put or assume everything is my matter or my responsibility because by doing this, I am making myself unhappy and depress. In order to ensure everyone is happy, I have to be really happy first. Put myself to the first priority. That was what he said. I am not sure whether what he said is correct or not >< 

Second Last Semester

I have just completed my CTES last week. This semester I needed to rate only three lecturers for three courses. I rated very high for zuwati’s class and artboy’s class because they deserve it. But not latifah’s class. Sometimes when I looked at her, I felt sympathy for her. She is actually a nice old lady who likes other old ladies, loves to share her life with others but she is not a professional lecturer. She said she went to study her master/PHd (I am not sure) in UK but her proficiency of English is just terrible and she said she has taught this course for many years but we can see that she has taught this course for many years as she was always not well-prepared, blurred and took online resources in front of us and taught us with that trusted? Or untrusted? resources in class. I mean her attitudes in class can be accepted if she was a new lecturer or she was a student like us BUT she is a lecturer with the name Dr. and she did many presentations in different countries like Istanbul. She even reminded us for several times to rate her high for the CTES as she wants to secure and maintain her job as a lecturer. As a student of her, what should I do? Should I pity her and rate her high? Or should I be honest and rate her low to ensure the quality of my juniors? At the end, I rate her high because she is my lecturer and I pitied her.

Three days ago I did two surveys from zuwati. Those two surveys I was being honest. I answered according to myself and not being affected by others. I entered into this programme because of my parents. I wanted to be a doctor and for so many years I put efforts in my study especially science subjects just to achieve my dream but at the end because of financial problem my dream continues to be a dream. I was angry at that time but I didn’t blame my parents because I am the eldest, study medical course is expensive and I can’t be so selfish using most of the money for myself and made my parents and siblings suffer because of me. Now I am good and surviving in this programme. I learned a lot and made many friendships in this programme. In TESL, we learned teaching theories + literature + English language. Among these three, I prefer literature the most, I hate proficiency class the most and I think teaching theories are the useless the most. I suggested this programme should teach more relevant and practical teaching skills like class management, ways to deal with discipline problems and teach students with the education policies and implementations such as PBS and PT3. When you start to teach like a real teacher in a school, you will know that all the theories that you have learned cannot be applied in the class. I love literature because I am amazed on how the words are able to bring an impact and give meanings to live and the words are being useful and impactful until now in this modern era. I love literature because it allows me to think from other’s perspectives and think deep about others. I love literature because of the lecturers I had in all these literature courses. They are beyond professional and they are just great. When they teach they are like sharing their stories and opinions about the literature and I love listening to their opinions and stories. I hope that I can be like them one day whose is able to think out of the box and the thinking that is produced is meaningful and relevant.  

I realized I am no longer close with my aunties(mother’s side). I mean there is still a bond between me and them but physically I am not close with them like how I was with them last time when I was young. I don’t talk with them frequently and I have no topic also to talk with them. I even rejected to go to Singapore with them although I have free transportation, accommodation and maybe food. I don’t know why but I felt reluctant. People change and leave. My fifth aunty who was once a stingy lady who loves to buy things with cheap price now changes to a wife and mum who likes to spend money on expensive stuffs and commented about the stuffs we buy with cheap prices. It is your choice whether to spend money on expensive stuffs or cheap stuffs. It is good and I am happy for my 5^th aunt to have this kind of luxurious life and having the super purchasing power. But I do not like it when she tries to comment and criticize on others with the cheap things that we buy == My 4^th aunt was the worst among all the aunties.  She slumped from someone who is like my 5^th aunty to someone who is now staying in a rented house with three small sons and with a run-away husband. I kind of like pity her but I can’t do anything because I have no money and is not my turn to speak for her in front of my aunties and my grandparents. It is better for a person to cry when a problem comes than being tough and strong. Husband has affair with a stupid and brainless bitch (I don’t say bad words but I am super angry so please forgive me) and now he is disappeared without any explanation and makes thing clear. I don’t know and I don’t understand. Maybe Charlie is right. “Things change. People leave. But life doesn’t stop for anybody.” (Yeah. I am reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower). So maybe it is right for her to being strong and tough although it is hurtful. 

Old love

This weekend was productive to me.. I made my first homemade kimchi at the same time cleaned and tidied up my room with my parents...

While cleaning my room, I found my primary and secondary school memories.. I found the letters that I used to write with my primary school best friend.. The love letter from a boy who tried to go after me when I was in Form 6.. The drawings and CNY cards from the students that I taught in daycare center.. Suddenly, feeling nostalgic.. These are the things that bring back my memories.. So I can't dispose them.. I will keep it in a cupboard and one day next year when my father forced me to clean my room again, the memories will be back..

The process of making my kimchi was dragged because of an unpredictable incident.. My grandmother was admitted to hospital.. My father received a phone call from my uncle that my grandmother was admitted to ICU while we were shopping for grocery.. We were all worried especially my father.. But luckily, my grandmother was just having a fever and probably infection after operation(hope not. need to know after the blood & urine tests). When my grandmother was admitted to hospital, I found love and care between my mother and my grandmother.. A traditional Chinese family where a mother-in-law always demands this and that from her daughter-in-law and nags and criticizes her for the thing that is not perfect from mother-in-law's perspective.. My mother as a common daughter-in-law will always not satisfies with my grandmother and always complains about her in front of my father.. She always always always says how bad my grandmother is when she was married to my father, how she asks her to do many many works when she stayed with her last time and bla bla bla.. Even though my mother always complains about my grandmother and my grandmother is really bad to my mother but today when my grandmother falls sick, my mother is the one who goes back & forth to see her, helps her to bathe & cooks for her..  Although I will not say it out, I love my mother and of course I will take care of her when she is old..

I heard a Chinese song in the radio while we were going to the hospital to see my grandmother.. The song says "As you grow older, you become lonelier" When a person is old, he/she behaves like a child.. Unable to walk, immune system becomes super weak, the bones are fragile, needs attentions, needs people to take care, needs people to help with daily routines like bathe.. The difference between the old and baby is baby is loveable & everyone is willing to take care of them while the old one everyone will give excuses like no time, no money and bla bla bla... Soon the old one is neglected... T.T

By the way, I have finished making my kimchi.. If this kimchi is a success, I am going to make again...
Pearly's Kimchi>> A new kimchi brand

My grandmother is healthy and she is getting better now.. I love my grandmother and I am closed with her.. She must lives longer to see me get married in 10 years time ^^

U.O.I.E.A Explorace

Explorace event was done finally..
One project done.. One assignment done..

Kok-K project to go.. Thesis to write.. Altogether 2 more things to be done..

It was a success yesterday.. Everyone had fun (I guess).. Especially the students from Catholic.. They were sporting, enthusiastic and looked better than my students (lucky Michelle ^^) 

The literature station that Gan & I were responsible.. It was a chaos for us.. Catholic students id not learn "The Fruitcake Special", so we had to come out with another plan.. Some students were weak, therefore, we have to be linear and gave extra time to all the groups.. I taught my 4B students this short story and I thought they will do well in my literature station compared to the other groups.. Who knows, they were worse than the others.. One of the 4K group was the best among the others and they did well in one shot without errors.. GOOD JOB ^^

My students.. Thank you for their help and come to my event.. But at the same time, I felt sorry for them as well because I did not mingle with them and talked to them.. In contrast, Mich and Tien did a good job as they really talked and mingled very well with their students.. Haiz.. I also do not understand why I have this barrier in my heart and I felt that i cannot overcome this barrier and mingle with them like how i mingle with my friends... I am really sorry... You guys are supportive.. I appreciate it although I did not express my appreciation on my face and behaviours..

This year, I read less book but I eat more..

Next year, I have to start to enjoy reading and drink coffee..

Hey hey hey... Not forget to mention that my brother has used his first wage to treat us dinner last Saturday at Nandos... A good dinner...

And went to OU with my sister and her friends last Friday.. She went out with her friends while me walked and shopped alone.. Padini had 3 days sales..