Unvoiceable feeling

OMG.. Well, I am here again because I really want to write my this moments feeling down.. Guess what?? I got full marks for my English Proficiency forum... Yeah... To be frank, I m really very happy about it.. I felt like I want to announce this news to the whole world... to everyone.. to all my friends.. to my family and Mr.Egg... But I know I can't... Because for sure later they are people who think that I am boosting myself and arrogant because of this minor thing.. Well maybe it is a minor news for the people around me but for me it is a news that able to fly me up... So I decided to post my feelings here...When, she said that there are some people who managed to obtain full mark, I never come across in my mind that one of them will be me.. So, I thought that probably I will get around 20 something.. Well, I had this range of marks for myself is not because I try to be humble but I felt that my performance that day was bad.. First I prepared the script a day before the forum and I did not have a time to practice my speech.. Second, on that day of forum I was nervous... Third, when I had my forum, everything went smooth at the beginning but at the end I was stuck.. Shoot me.. Of course at the moment I was panicked yet I told myself to be calm.. Just said whatever came into my mind..Because of these three reasons, I felt terrible and I deleted the script I prepared.. I do not hope to see this script again..

But i was wrong.. I managed to get 40 and I managed to get compliment from Madam Uma... She said that I was the best presenters on that day.. She knew that I was struggling but she said I managed to continue my performance... And she said my pronunciation was clear and cut off... Well, I am happy to have the compliments from her.. Thanks Madam Uma... At that time, I really hope that my best friend Tien Tien was there as well as Gan.. I hope to hug her on the spot but she was not there.. So instead of hugging her I hugged Inia..^^

Well, I was quite satisfy with my progress this semester.. I felt that I improved alot.. But I cannot rest on laurels.. I have to continue to make improvement and be the best in my world.. I will only compete with my previous self...My principle is to try my best in everything so that I will never regret for my action...Lastly,

                    PEARLY HOR~~~JIA YOU~~KEEP FIGHTING~~~DAEBAK

A Crack

My heart is painful... Don't know why... It is only an imagination but it can able to twist every single cell in my heart... i understand but why YOU are so cruel... Even the main connection YOU also destroy it... Two strangers stepping on the same land... So near yet so far

Before the day ends, I wanted to say "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" to myself... Finally I am 21... I am a legal adult... Well... What i want to say is~ Time flies...

In a blink of eyes, I am 21 now.. I remembered when I was young, I always wanted to grow up as soon as possible because I felt that I can do many things when I grow up.. I can go out late.. I can drive.. I can hang out with my friends.. I can go anyway I want.. But things eventually upside turn.. When I finally reached the age of 21.. I hoped time slows down... I did not want to grow up anymore.. Yet this is an unreachable dream... I just cannot evade the truth that we all are growing older and older as time passes..

I have the revelation that I really need to express millionfolds of thank you to my parents because they brought me to this realistic yet wonderful world.. During that time, they chose to give birth to me instead of aborting me...They had the right to choose whether to stay me or not... They raised me, educated me and gave me everything they could give to me although they faced difficulties.. Because of them, I was able to become a better person, I was able to see this world, I am educated... Thanks ba and ma... Because of both of you, I never have a time to worry about my financial, my daily needs, my education, my entertainment and my life... You two gave me everything I need and I don't need... At the same time, You two taught me how to be a better person... I am who I am today because of you two... Your contribution and commitment, I can never pay back... <3 You two forever in my life...

Finally, Happy birthday again and I AM A LEGAL ADULT.....YEAH~~~~

Public speaking

Yeah~~~ Finally, I had done with my public speaking... Honestly, I felt nervous when I was presenting.. So, I kept on moving front and back because I want to release my nervousness... But everyone said my presentation was good and confidence.. I was happy.. I saw attentions from some of my friends in the class... I should record down my presentation to show to my family and mr.tan.. But I really hope Pn.Huzaina likes my speech because she is the one who gives the marks...

Wow.. Thanks to Mr.Tan, who non-stop listening to my speech almost everyday in the car... Thank you... And Thank you to my best best friend in UM, Tien Mie because I knew she really supports me a lot.. Thank you for myself, to prepared and practiced and made it fruitful by my own efforts <3 these people in my life

A diary for 16th of October, Tuesday

Again, this time I wanted to do my diary yet the line in the library was lousy...

Alright, yesterday, I had my English Proficiency class with Miss Asma. Actually, I wanted to volunteer myself to teach the class, but I did not know why I had no courageous to raise up my hand and tell her "Ms.Asma, can I volunteer myself to teach the class?"... Why Pearly Hor?? BECAUSE I was worried that my answer will be attack by my lecturer...I feared that my lecturer will question me... I scared that my answer was wrong... To be frank, what I will face later in my fourth year in my practical will be 100 times worse than the situation I faced now... Imagine, if I do not have the gut to teach my friends, my course mates then how am I supposed to teach the evils young children????? SHOOT ME*bang bang bang bang*

After the micro-teaching, we had our first assessment which was writing paragraph... The topic of the writing was Third Language... I wrote something on difficulties in learning third language.. I did not know how well I wrote but I know I had try my best... Actually, I felt that my handwriting was messy and I wanted to rewrite but there is not much time left T.T

Then, we had the discussion for Dr.Julie's task given to us... Well, it was really hard to work in a group.. Although work in a group, ideas are more than one brain but works do not cut down.... I was tired... There are members who are not cooperate and do not give commitment, there are members in which giving too many ideas that I want to reject but I do not know how to reject them... There is a member in my group I do not like this person as a group member but as friend I really like it so much.. Honestly, this is true...This person is patty.. The most important is this person is not confidence.. This person always know how to complain others and saying others bad but this person did not realize this person is not perfect too.... Has no confidence is not a crime and I understand this person's feeling but this person cannot always not confidence with ownself answers or ideas therefore go and take a look or take the ideas that people thought it but do not want it... Honestly, I do not like this person.. But what to do?? I have to tolerate..

Life is not isolated.. We face many different personalities of people in our life.. We need them... We cannot work successfully alone... I am not saying that I am the best and always with confidence but I don't think by looking at others' answers or works can increase your confidence... Although I do not want that idea but can u please don't take my idea and can u please maintain with your own idea? Haiz...This is my own feeling, I just want to voice out but I do not want to hurt anyone...

BACK TO THE MAIN TOPIC, the task was tough but we managed to finish it... We had to put ourselves into the shoes of a ten-year-old child... and changed the extract to an extract specially made for them... Teacher is not an easy job...

A diary for 11th of October, Thursday

Well, I made a promise to myself that i will write my diary every Tuesday and Thursday but I did not make it.. Sorry Pearl <3

So now, I have to make an amendment for my last Thursday blog... I have to recall back my Thursday memory... Ok.. So early in the morning on that day, I had English Proficiency class with Madam Uma and we had two sections, listening and speaking respectively. Well, I realized that listening was not an easy task. I have to pay tenfold of attention listening to the ascents of don't know which country were they from. It was tough for me to catch up what they said. But at least I was able to listen to almost..erm.. well.. 80% of the conversation, Maybe >< Then, we had speaking task.. In between, there was something unhappy incident happened.. I do not want to remind myself with the incident by writing down here.. Madam Uma said she liked the way we had our speaking, it was better than the first time of speaking.. Honestly, I were happy with her compliment.

Then, we had Dr.Julie's class... She taught us about the approaches.. I don't remember what approach she taught... Yat I remembered she gave us a task.. The task was hard.. She wanted us to change an extract to an extract that was understandable by children... I will never think about this task until next Tuesday discussion ^^

Improvement

Well, started from last Thursday onward, I am going to write my diary every Tuesday and Thursday. It is a must for me to write my diary for my future use in my assignment.

Today I was chosen by my friend, Wana, to do the teaching in the class. I was nervous because I did not do any preparation for this teaching section. When I was doing the teaching, I realized that I was not serious in the way I talked and the gestures I made. I felt that the situation in the class was awkward when I was teaching. The lecturer did not say anything about my presentation and the class was quiet and non-reactive. I was trying to make the environment better but I cant make it. I do not know that whether the lecturer did not make comment on my presentation was a good news or not. I realized that I have difficulty in listening to the ascent of the students from China. I cannot be like this always. So I decided to be well prepare in next class and I want to volunteer myself to be the teacher of the day.

After one year in this course, I realized that I enjoyed teaching. I want to be a teacher who really can convey the knowledge to my students and at the same time mold my students' personalities and attitudes. However, I know that to be a teacher that able to do that, I have to improve myself first. Almost every beginning of the semester I told my friends and myself to make enhancement, yet, at the end, I did not do anything to improve myself T.T SAD CASE..

In Dr.Juliana's class as usual~lectured. She also informed us that we are going to have assignment AGAIN this Thursday.. Tiring as expected at the beginning of the semester.

Diary?

Ok.. Well I am back again^^ There is one of my lecturers, Dr.Juliana asked us to do a diary everyday of my life.. So I think about my blog.. She gave us an assignment in which we have to do a reflection of our study life.. So to prevent lacking of ideas, she asked us to do a diary..

So today is Thursday.. The last day of schooling of the week.. I had my English proficiency class with Madam Uma in the morning.. We had listening activity today.. Then she showed us a video in Youtube to show us how a forum is conducted.. I was not anticipate to have my forum.. It is scary and dreadful.. In this forum, is a must for me to speak fluently and confidently in English.. Although the time limit is 5 minutes per speaker, it is like 5 hours for me.. T.T Later, I had my class with Dr.Juliana.. Writing something in class is the name of the course.. Well, we had presentation for her class today.. I wanted to perform well in her class, hence I prepared my speech and practiced thousand times  for my performance.. I was quite confidence for my presentation.. Yet, when I saw her face, I wanted to faint.. My heart beat very fast and my hands were trembling.. I told myself to not be nervous because I knew once I am nervous, all the efforts are gone.. Luckily, my presentation was not so bad.. Everything went smooth and none of them, even the top gang gave criticizes or comments until Grace stood up.. Her comment was that the questions we constructed were too easy.. Ya.. It was true and we accepted her points.. Dr said there is no coherence in our questions.. But yet overall is GOOD^^ So maybe if there are presentation next time, we will improve from our mistakes.. I was relieved once my presentation ended... Then, I had poetry class with Ms.Steph..

Alright.. As a conclusion, I felt that I am not as lazy as last time and I have the determination to achieve good CGPA in my exam.. I wanted to improve myself so that in future when I had my practical in school.. I can be a good teacher...

Time... Wait for me..

Well. Two more days to go and I have to go back to UM. Once i think about new semester going to start very very soon. I felt depressed T.T What I can think was ASSIGNMENTS, PROJECTS, TESTS, FINAL and RUSH. Haiz. It is quite sad when these things came across my mind once I thought about the new semester.

Yesterday midnight when I was online, I saw a post from my Form 6 classmate. She was our monitor and mother in our gang. She posted that she is going to marry soon and going to become a mother of a 2 months old baby. I was shocked and to be frank I really cannot accept this. This news was so sudden and came too fast. Well, life is unpredictable. Everything comes fast and sudden. As human, we have to know how to adapt and accept.

So at last, I accepted this and sincerely I wish them happiness forever<3 I love you Pei Ying.

UNDEFINED HAPPINESS

Hello blog.. It has been a long time i did not update you.. Anyway, i am now here to update you with my erm~~~~~well = UNEXPLAINABLE HAPPINESS...

First of all, i wanted to thank to my parents.. I do not care how you behaved to others; whether bad or good and how strict and fierce you were when i was a kindergarten, primary school and secondary school (after that period, my parents were giving me more freedom and permit).. I still love you and i will carry out my responsibility as a daughter... I promised..

Second, i wanted to thank to Mr.Tan (my soul mate, best friend and my another half)... Thank you for loving me... I knew you did a lot for me... You and I were once strangers and we became closer because of "LOVE"... You not only love me but you love my family too... I knew you care me more than many things... The things, food that i want even money.. You are willing to give it all to me within your capability... Thanked again for your abiding trust and  faith.. I love you too and I will not leave you whenever you encounter obstacles and failure... I promised

Third, i wanted to thank my siblings (they are eventually monkeys and pigs)... We were so close together even though we are growing up and slowly, step by step we will have our friends, own world, another half and your own family... Teasing, gossiping, laughing and sharing life experiences are the ways that make our bond remain as strong as a tighten rope that is prepared for a tug-of-war... No matter how others pull we will not break... I love you guys a lot and I will carry out my responsibility as the eldest... No matter what problems you guys encounter i will sure help with all my abilities... I promised

Last, i wanted to thank my aunties... We were so close and we do not have any gap generation that others may have.. We are like friends gossiping, shopping together and sharing... Thanks.. 

Last but not least, i am not whiny but seriously these people meant a lot to me.. None in this world is isolated... We are connected to one another... To  express my gratitude to these people, i do not have other ways except that i live my life to the maximum and be happy always (smiling with the teeth showed, eyes closed and as usual *peace*)

VOICE OUT

I am sorry.. Finally now only I understand the reason behind you to keep on enduring your family's behaviour.. I realized that I am stupid.. I always complaint to you that you do have have anger and do not fathom for your action of enduring your family even it is theirs wrongs... Now only I understand.. I understand that you do not want argument to happen.. I understand that even it was not your wrong none in your family will support you.. I understand even if you voice out with reasons and logic, your father will not stand by you.. Finally, you still have to be the one to say sorry.. This same goes to us... If we have disputement, even it is not your wrong, you still will be the one to say sorry first.. Because you appreciate our relationship and you do not want to lose me because of an argument.. I do not know how to compensate my action to you.. I felt uncomfortable in my heart.. Thank you for supporting me and be with me even your family dislikes me..

I promised to you that I will not longer demand you to point out your family's errors... I will understand you and stand beside you.. Hold your hand and walk together to confront all the uneasiness and sadness you face..

From this incident, I realized that voice out does not mean you will get the results that you want.. Sometimes voice out only worsen the situation..

Stress+happy+dissappointed= complicated

Well..  Me and my very good friend in UM purposely skipped a lecturer's class just to shop for our cultural night and hers' college dinner.. Expect myself will have a lot of small and big bags to bring back home.. Unfortunately, we did not buy anything except nail colors.. The clothes there are either too expensive or not suit our styles.. Yet we had a lovely time by having tea at Starbucks and chit chatting..

I ll like to have this time again with you tien<3

Start from today, I will not able to have good nights for many days... I received the news that I am going to have my final exam for Listening class next Friday and I am not well-prepared.. OMG... I need help from God to make the time goes slow and slow and slow.. So that I have amber of time to prepare.. These are the lists of my work: 1. TITAS literature review hand in to Nadia- 20/4
               2. Philosophy test- 25/4
               3. Pk's 2nd assignment + Listening portfolio- 26/4
               4. Listening final exam- 27/4
               5. Pk's individual assignment- 10/5
               6. Dr.Jessie's reflections- 22/5
               7. Listening project work- 24/5
Ok.. That's all for today.. Need to go to fight.. JIA YOU^^

Again & Again

The news of her is still going on and on.. It seems like everyone has a problem with her.. Headache.. Can I stop hearing news and complaints about her?? I truly hope that she will know what is amiss with her and will change to a better and likeable person.. No one on Earth is born to be bad.. Yet people change because of the environment and surrounding.. Although people do change, we change to better not worse...

Today, my beloved, Liza gave me the fan she won during Inia's presentation.. I was so happy because i really need a fan in UM.. the weather is so hot nowadays. Yesterday, I was worried about my pendrive.. I lost it.. Yet Gan helped me to find back.. Thanks Gan..

That's all for today^^

Life is UNPREDICTABLE

When I was happily having my dinner with Mr.Tan, I received a phone call from my mother.. Her voice was sad.. I was wondering what happened to her.. She told me that my cousin sister, Ah Ying has passed away.. I was shocked and my heart was so painful.. How come?? I kept asking this myself.. It was only a month ago I met her.. I still remembered the last time I saw her was during CNY in Peneng.. We were talking and had fun during the whole vacation.. She also bring her bf along in this vacation.. It was just like only yesterday everything happened.. Although we rarely meet, yet when we meet we can chat for whole night.. She was just only 18 years old girl.. She has not enjoyed her life yet.. Even half of her life she has not gone through.. Seriously, I cannot accept this.. 

Death is a process that everyone in this world has to go through.. Death is not scary but the most scary thing is your loved ones will never ever able to see,touch and talk to you anymore.. They may have photo or memory of you.. But how long can these last?? Human needs a concrete touch.. The impact of your death was very very very strong.. The sadness is not merely few days, it may be forever.. Can you imagine if I was so sad about my cousin's death, then how about her mother,father and sister?? Their sadness cannot be imagine and describe..

Death is unpredictable.. Even my cousin sister will not know that she will die today.. Merely just because a faint, she died.. Hence, we have to appreciate the presence of every person beside us especially our family and the dearest one.. We may not know when they will leave and vanish in your life..

According to Buddhism(I do not know is real or not), she or he will never know that she has died in the first 7 days. Hence, she or he will remain the tasks she or he does everyday as usual.. Where will she be now?? Is she happy?? Did she know she has passed away?? My brain was puzzled by these questions.. Anyway, I am very sure that she is now in heaven and God surely will take good care of her.. Because she was very nice and kind..

Seriously, I will miss you Ying.. You are always my cousin.. God, I have a request to you.. Can you please take good care of my cousin?? She was weak and kind..(I think God will)

R.I.P YING

OK.. How should I start now?? Erm.. ok.. Finally I am done with the philosophy assignment.. I should be on the bed sleeping and dreaming.. Because of the assignment i have to stay up to burn the midnight oil..Yet I CANNOT close my eyes and SLEEP after the assignment has been done.. For the seek of my health, I forced myself to sleep.. Turning to the right and turning to the left.. Then all of a sudden I thought about the blog that Tien Tien helped me to create last Thursday.. 

Yesterday night, I went to watch "SEAFOOD" with Mr.TAN.. This cartoon movie was quite nice.. At least, I did not fall asleep watching this cartoon.. This was the first time I watched cartoon movie after I have "officially" grown up.. I felt that it is not worth to spend RM 20++ to watch a cartoon.. I preferred ghost movies, humor movies or action stories.. This movie was a cartoon movie.. Hence, it was eventually funny and it showed how strong and capable animals were in order to save their next generation.. I heard my sister said that this movie was a production from Malaysia.. 

Since I am in insomnia now, I think I will continue with my "Things Fall Apart".. I have not finish reading the whole novella yet.. One more day to go.. Then tomorrow is the day for Prose 2 test.. I am nervous.. Haiz.. Another sleepless night T.T

And I want to thanks Mr.TAN to sacrifice his date with his friends just to accompany me to watch movie.. THANKS alot<3 

My first blog

Hi... This is my first blog.. Thanks to Tien Tien to help me to create this for me<3 And thanks.. Gan for being so irritating and noisy beside me like a fly...